


Don't Make Me Feel Less

by chloenightswantsflight



Series: Caleb's Redemption [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: About Caleb mostly, Caleb leaves, Caleb won't be a rebound guy, I cried while writing this, M/M, breaking up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 19:10:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6163593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chloenightswantsflight/pseuds/chloenightswantsflight





	Don't Make Me Feel Less

Caleb didn’t usually cry a lot. He prided himself as an average fireman. He loved his boyfriend Ian, even though they had their misunderstandings. He would never tell Ian who he could hang out with, that would be rude. So what if Ian hung out with his ex’s sister. So what if she was a bitch to him, and often told Ian he should get back together with her boyfriend. Ian usually laughed and changed the subject. He never asked Caleb how he felt about.

Caleb thought he was being whiny, and thought about it some more. Was he truly being whiny and butt hurt? After all, most of the Ian’s family kept saying he should get back together with Mickey. This hurt Caleb, more than anything. Was he just some rebound guy for Ian to play around with until Ian got bored and went back to Mickey? Was that all he was? So yeah he cried sometimes when Ian went out with his friends. He tried bringing it up once and Ian just ignored him.

He was a preacher’s a kid who got enough shit from his dad for being gay. No he didn’t have an abusive childhood. No he didn’t grow up in the South Side. No he wasn’t raped by a prostitute, because his dad was awful scumbag. He had a decent childhood, but he endured enough bullying and “exorcists” to be frustrated with this kind of shit.

He didn’t blame Ian or Ian's ex or anyone for his frustration. He had a harder time telling apart how much of himself was left, when he was by himself. He was a fireman who sculpted for fun. He fell for a guy with red hair, whom is Bipolar, he moved in with him. He he he… Caleb just sat down on the toilet seat and took deep breathes to stop himself from crying again. He decided he needed a pencil and paper.

Once he found it he wrote down two columns. One for Good and Bad. He listed what he loved Ian, and he listed parts of Ian he could deal with or didn’t like. He never mentioned Ian’s illness because that was part of Ian, and he would never be an asshole who would complain about it. At the end, the bad won over the good. He just stared at it. He sat there and stared at the paper. A list of what was wrong with their relationship that was twice as long as what was good. Caleb nearly sobbed. 

He stayed that way, staring at the paper, until Ian came home with his friends trailing in. Ian was drunk, and so were his friends. They weren’t as drunk as him though. Caleb didn’t say anything, just gazing down at the paper that told him this place wasn’t for him. Even when Ian went to the bathroom and the friends came to taunt him, he didn’t say anything. He didn’t cry or respond. Besides he cried himself out, he couldn’t do this, he couldn’t live like this.

So when he stood up from the chair at the table abruptly, he didn’t pause to look at Ian who had just come out of the bathroom just in a towel. His ex was staring him, but his soon to be ex wasn’t. Caleb went to pack his things and go stay in his studio. He didn’t feel comfortable anymore. Then again he couldn’t remember when he stopped being uncomfortable.

“Caleb what is up with the suitcase?” Ian suddenly sounded more sober to Caleb than when he came in the door.

“I’m leaving Ian.” He didn’t need to rant or put up a ultimatum, that wasn’t Caleb’s style. He still had to see Ian at the station.

“Why?” Caleb didn’t sigh like he wanted, when he heard the ex’s voice.

“Yeah why are you leaving Ian? Are you mad that couldn’t keep him happy like my brother?” The ex’s sister had such a spiteful look on her face. Perhaps that was why Caleb never tried to learn her name. (That’s a lie, he knew her name was Mandy and her brother was Mickey.)

Caleb didn’t answer. He wasn’t going to waste his breath, his eyes were almost tearing up again. His voice would have wavered. He shook his head and picked up his suitcase, keeping his wallet inside of pocket, glad the apartment was closer to North Side than South Side so he would have less of a chance of getting robbed. He just need to stay somewhere for the night, and after that who knows. Ian wasn’t his boyfriend anymore if he even was before.

Life was at a low for him, but he could manage. He was nothing if not resourceful.


End file.
